The typical American family may have good intentions to eat dinner together.
But what do you get when you throw together a hectic week at work, trying to fit exercise into the day, new school schedules, drop offs and homework, as well as the parental taxi service that ferries children to 4 different locations for 3 different sports practices in the evening?
You get overwhelmed. Feel ragged. Busy. Tired.
And sometimes it just feels easier to grab dinner at the drive-thru. One kid eats at a friend’s house. Another after soccer practice is over. A spouse in front of the TV to catch the news.
And where does that leave your family?
Dispersed. Disjointed. But most of all, disconnected.
We’re here to tell you — it’s worth it. Bring your family back together around the dinner table each evening. Here are the reasons why.
The family that eats together
Gathering your family together for dinner can be just plain hard.
Of course we want our children to socialize with their classmates and neighbors, so it can feel cringy to pull them away from playtime — especially when they’re outdoors.
As the new school year starts, there’s a sense of guilt that, “Maybe they need to decompress after a long day at school...” and, to be frank, you just don’t want to hear the arguments when you turn off the TV.
But there are many reasons why bringing the whole family together benefits everyone. Here are our top 5.
Establishing routines and habits. Pediatric studies have shown that children thrive with healthy boundaries, routines and habits. Kids like to know what to expect. That’s why they do so well with the school schedule — it provides an order to the day that is satisfying and comforting. We do X at this time, and Y comes after that and Z ends the day. Family dinner at 6 (or whatever time works for your kids’ ages) is an established timeslot that signals, “Hey, we are eating at this time, so plan for it.” If there’s something important they want to do before dinner, they know that dinner is a sacred time that doesn’t move. Kids can play with friends until dinnertime, and work on homework after dishes are put away.
Checking in with family members. With the hectic schedules of school, work, extracurricular activities, volunteering and sports, it can be hard to get a pulse on the emotional well-being of kids. Sitting down together around the dinner table provides an opportunity to get a feel for how everyone is doing. Studies have shown that regularly eating together as a family lowers risks of adolescent tobacco, alcohol, and marijuana use; low grade point average; depressive symptoms; and suicide. Ask your oldest about how he feels at the new school. Your youngest might want to talk about the bully in the class. It’s a chance to cut out the noise of the day and just be together.
Making everyone feel loved, seen and heard. Family dynamics can cause some members to feel overlooked. It could be that a strong personality teases more sensitive children. Maybe one kid dominates conversations. Or someone else clams up when put on the spot. A relaxed family dinner table opens the door for purposeful questions. Whether or not children respond at the time, being asked about specific parts of their day shows them that they are loved and cared about — and they know they can come back to you later to discuss anything that’s bothering them.
Teaching and reinforcing manners. Throughout their life, proper manners and respectful behavior will go a long way. A simple “please” and “thank you” mean a lot to teachers, bus drivers, servers at a restaurant or retail workers. Your kids won’t always have you beside them to prompt good manners, but teaching and reinforcing them at home is great practice for when they’re away. These skills will help them throughout their lives.
The art of conversation. Simply slowing down and having a proper conversation is a rarity in today’s hectic world. For a human race that continues to advance, technology can also hinder the art of a good conversation. Smartphones in particular are the bane of human interaction. They allow us to hide behind a screen instead of being comfortable with silence, waiting, talking to strangers and noticing the world around us. Teaching your family how to intentionally listen, ask insightful follow-up questions and respond with empathy are vital social skills. Work on them at the dinner table, and your kids will take those lessons with them into adulthood.